We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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