Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
