then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
