he was CRYING into my vagina
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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