Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
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