So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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