mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
