Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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