things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
