Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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