Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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