my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
