jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
