Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I would fuck him just for his dog
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
