To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
