btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
