I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
