i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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