my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
