Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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