My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I currently don't understand fingers.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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