elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
