She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
