if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
