my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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