I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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