Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
