He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
