I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
We talked him into tasing himself.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
