Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
