I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
FUCK WHALES
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
