peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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