we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
