honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
