I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
