I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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