True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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