So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
