they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
