You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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