Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
