I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
