my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
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