I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
