I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
