umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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