I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
