Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
