whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
