we're blogging at a bar
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
