there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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