hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I think my fart just growled at me.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
