your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
