Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
